the young people's professor

Ok, lets be Frank, ya'll knew I wasn't going to last on this Beyonce Diet. The shit was a set-up from the very beginning. I was good up until Monday. Then I walked passed Crown's Fried Chicken on Flatbush Avenue and broke down. Ugh. Now I will say this: for the four days that I was on the diet I did feel a lot healthier. But at the end of the day, I'm a grown ass man and I like to eat like one. Better luck next time. I guess i'll just have to start back up at New York's finest bathhouse, uh, I mean gym: New York Sports Club.

Over Mother Sanjaya Malakar?

…Just when I thought American Idol couldn't possibly get any worst, it did. Now Lets be Frank, the show is an absolute kiki. Paula is still using coke, Melinda has no neck and the South Asian butchqueen is unbothered. But I think I can use this as creative insipiration. Clay Cane and I have decided that we are opening up the House of Sanjaya. Naturally Miss Malakar will be Overall Mother. What do you think about Claudia Aiken and Maria Vasquez as Chapter parents? I think the kids will "see it". I can hear Selvyn Mizrahi now, "Put your hands together for that newest Drags Face diva, the new Muthafuckin' Mother of the House of Sanjaya: Miss Mothafuckin' Sanjaya Malakar!!"

In other news...Lets be Frank, Kelly Rowland's new look is OVAH! The hair, the makeup, the black-leather ensemble. I'm living! A round of applause please... it only took her six years.

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…but back to the ballroom for a minute, Can I be frank? I was so annoyed by "Billy Ninja", the so-called "ballroom kid" guest star of last night's Next Top Model. I mean, Who the fuck is he? No shade to him, but with all of the extraordinary talent in this community, why him? Why is primetime television unwilling to accept anything other than these phony, Willy Ninja-esq caricatures? And its not just television---the magazine circuit is no better. A view months ago Trace Magazine pulled the same bullshit when it profiled a bunch of nameless Xtravaganzas (a house which hasn't been making any noise for years). I'm so sick of seeing voguing represented as simply "striking a pose" (a la Madonna). I feel like screaming, "HELLO, VOGUING DOESNT LOOK LIKE THIS ANYMORE, YOU IDIOTS!"Take a minute to look at the real deal, then maybe you can see what I mean:

Pony Blahnik vs. Leyomi Mizrahi
DJ Prodigy vs. Verrell Blahnik
Katrina vs. Leyomi

Looks a lot more like Capoeira than "just prancing around", eh? Exactly.
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More randomness….Now lets be fuckin' Frank, sometimes ghetto language just goes too dam far. So I'm walking home the other day and this dude comes up to me and asks me, "yo, do you smell me homie?" Quite Frankly, I didn't know how to respond. I thought for sure I was about to get knocked and robbed. Finally I realized that the phrase"do you smell me?" is the latest ghetto-vernacular remix of the "do you feel me?", a reference to "being in agreement" with someone. So instead of saying "yo, are you feeling that?" one might say, "yo, are you smelling this shit?" God bless Black people. Really.
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Ok, can I be Frank for one last minute? Something totally random has been pissing me off lately: people eating stinky foods in public. I just cannot understand why people feel the need to unleash their nasty ass food in public. I mean, sure, everyone is entitled to eating in semi-casual settings (this includes snacking at your cubicle during a lunch break, eating a sandwich in the middle of class, etc.) HOWEVER if your food stinks so bad that it's actually disrupting people's sense of public space, then you are being rude. Save the exotic ethnic dish for when you get home motherfuckers! I'm sick of this shit! I mean, am I the only person who is over this? I know all my 9 to 5 readers have got to feel me on this one...i'm just being Frank for all of us.