On Friendship
I've always believed that people are much less saavy in maintaining and dissolving friendships then they are in negoitating romantic relationships. Everyone knows how to "dump" a boyfriend/girlfriend, but few of us know how to "let go" of a friend.
Let me clarify.
People often "break up" with girlfriends/boyfriends for no reason other than the fact they've grown tired of being involved with the other person. How many times have you heard a person say they've broke up with their boyfriend because "things just werent working out" ? Folks tend to be extremely comfortable with letting go of a romantic companion once they think "all the magics gone". Interestingly however, we're not as sharp with letting go of Friends. In fact, we tend to hold to friends even after we've realized that we may no longer trust them, are uninspired by their presence, or are unhappy to have them around. Why are we so good at getting rid of boring boyfriends but so bad at getting rid of boring friends?
For some strange reason people tend to think that you only get rid of a friend is they've enacted some dramatic breach: slept with a boyfriend; stole from you; gossiped to the world your business. Etc. I've always found this logic rather flawed.
People often "break up" with girlfriends/boyfriends for no reason other than the fact they've grown tired of being involved with the other person. How many times have you heard a person say they've broke up with their boyfriend because "things just werent working out" ? Folks tend to be extremely comfortable with letting go of a romantic companion once they think "all the magics gone". Interestingly however, we're not as sharp with letting go of Friends. In fact, we tend to hold to friends even after we've realized that we may no longer trust them, are uninspired by their presence, or are unhappy to have them around. Why are we so good at getting rid of boring boyfriends but so bad at getting rid of boring friends?
For some strange reason people tend to think that you only get rid of a friend is they've enacted some dramatic breach: slept with a boyfriend; stole from you; gossiped to the world your business. Etc. I've always found this logic rather flawed.
My criteria for friendship is crude but necessary. I ask "How is this friend/person enriching my life?" If I cant come up with a lively answer to that question then I know its time to move on.
Recently I let go of several "friends" for no reason other than the fact these people were not enriching my life in any way, shape, or form. No, they didnt steal my man, they didnt talk behind my back, and they didnt do anything particularly "wrong." Yet there presence brought no heightened sense of joy or excitement, two things which I think are crucial for any healthy friendship. We couldnt agree on anything. Everytime one of us wanted to go out to a social event the other one didnt. If we wanted to go to the movies, we couldnt agree on which film to see. We'd routinely fight with each other only to make up hours later. We had no mutual friends. This list goes on. Basically, all we did have was memories of past moments: we went to school together, knew each other's families, knew each other's gifts and flaws. But none of this actually constituted friendship, which I would define as a committment to the mutual enrichment of two of two people's lives.
How would you define friendship? How do you "let friends go" even if they havent done anything "wrong"? What is the difference between friendship and solidarity?
Recently I let go of several "friends" for no reason other than the fact these people were not enriching my life in any way, shape, or form. No, they didnt steal my man, they didnt talk behind my back, and they didnt do anything particularly "wrong." Yet there presence brought no heightened sense of joy or excitement, two things which I think are crucial for any healthy friendship. We couldnt agree on anything. Everytime one of us wanted to go out to a social event the other one didnt. If we wanted to go to the movies, we couldnt agree on which film to see. We'd routinely fight with each other only to make up hours later. We had no mutual friends. This list goes on. Basically, all we did have was memories of past moments: we went to school together, knew each other's families, knew each other's gifts and flaws. But none of this actually constituted friendship, which I would define as a committment to the mutual enrichment of two of two people's lives.
How would you define friendship? How do you "let friends go" even if they havent done anything "wrong"? What is the difference between friendship and solidarity?
I think most people view friendship as a covenant between them and another person. Relationships are based heavily on how this person makes me feel. When the feeling is gone...so are they. I have a few friends who I thought I should "dump", but they always come in handy right before I give them the speech (it's not u, it's me..lol.). Are you a Leo?
Posted by
life |
3/18/2007
Close: Virgo!
Posted by
the young people's professor |
3/18/2007
Well thats the reality buddy...me too believe in friendships more than those romatic stuffs...hey u tend to get all the more crappy while handling a romantic relation which u r not when u r friends...why not follow the rules of friendship in romance?? guess that would hold the love birds for some more time ya..anyways...good post..visit my blog if u wanna check out some cool stuffs on friendship...guess that wont dishearten u...best wishes :)
Posted by
Anonymous |
3/19/2007
Great discussion. Friends. Here's my take on friends: It's not the hobbies that friends share that a friendship should be based upon, and I don't think a friendship should be broken up because the two of you can't decide on a movie. As human beings we grow. Meaning, it seems that you are growing in a way that you realize when, where, and how you want to "utilize" your friendships. Be careful, don't think that you are outgrowing your friendships. Instead, you are growing to negotiate your way through your friendships. Everyone has something very special to offer. I would simply create a little space and exhale. Good luck.
Posted by
Anonymous |
3/20/2007
I agree 100%. Most people use the term "friend" much too loosely. To me(like you said)if someone is not enriching my life, it's time to let them go. If they are not adding to my life they are probably taking away from it and I just cant have that.
Virgo 2!
Posted by
Dayne Avery |
3/26/2007