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Introducing the (Straight) Male Fag Hag

Photos by Luna Luis Ortiz

True story: Yesterday I hung out on the set for an album photo shoot for an upcoming male music artist (I wont name, names). I was invited by a good friend who is a professional fashion stylist and happened to be covering the costume designs for this particular project. During my time at the shoot, I couldn't keep my eyes off of this one fine ass dude that kept staring at me the entire time. Clearly he was cruising. After the shoot was over, the dude came over and introduced himself for the third time (the first two times that he introduced himself to me took place within the first ten minutes of me arriving) and asked me where I bought the particular jeans I had on. After I told him, we slowly eased our way into a conversation about everything from gay politics to black music, and anything in between.

Before I got ready to bounce I asked my stylist friend if he'd mind if I got the dude's number. "Why?", my friend asked. "Frank, he's straight as an arrow. He's just a big fag hag". Shock. Sadness. Disbelief. "Not another one!" I thought to myself.

What is it about these hot ass "straight" men that "pass" as gay in their social settings? The black gay man in me couldnt help but together a little laundry list of "characteristics" for what I want to call the "male fag hag." Work with me here, I think we might be on to something.

*************

Characteristics of the Straight Male Fag Hag
Based on extensive field-work, observation, and lived experience

* He is hot. In fact, he's probably a model, or just looks like one.

* He's "straight", but enjoys gay men hitting on him.

* He goes out with his gay male friends to clubs like STONEWALL and KRASH because straight clubs dont play house-music.

* He graduated from any of the following schools:
Vassar, Sarah Lawrence, Oberlin, NYU (Gallatin or Tisch division), Bard, Deep Springs, Brown or Wesleyan.

* He subscribes to any of the following magazines: Details, Complex, Trace.

* Like his female fag-hag counterpart, he actively seeks the advice of gay men for dating tips on the opposite sex (or so he says).

* He bartends at Luke & Leroy.

* He desperately needs to be the center of attention in any and every social setting.

* Unlike Tyra Banks, he knows that calling someone or something "fierce" is NOT a compliment.

* He's "straight" but he likes to collect guys' numbers at the clubs just to make his friends jealous.

* He attends The Latex Ball each year just to "spectate".

* He is at his absolute cutest when he tries to speak "gay talk".

* Case in point: you've just broken up with your boyfriend and you're feeling a little down. Straight Male Fag Hag tells you that your ex was "tired" and to "just pay it."

* He takes a special interest in befriending your worst enemy.

* He's a journalist/host for a show on MTV or VH1.

* He tells his gay friends he "wishes he was gay."

* He doesnt mind doing a cover-shoot for Flavalife.

* He hates the term metrosexual. He says it "doesnt apply" to him.

* He met most of his high school friends in the Drama Club or All State Choir.

* He never uses the term "Fag". Naturally, he prefers to use "homosexual".

* He brings his gay male friends home to mom. Mom is thoroughly confused and suspicious as to why he does this.

* Everyone, including you, is still convinced that he's probably gay after-all.

WHAT DID I MISS? HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN A STRAIGHT-MALE-FAG-HAG?

Posted by the young people's professor on 7/21/2006 at 5:33:00 AM |

hilarious!

Posted by Blogger jb | 7/21/2006  

My Fed-Ex guy..he always makes it a point to come in to say "hey" with or without packages..and to quote his last comment to me:

"do you know where I should buy some nice underwear..what do you think would look good on me?"

hmmmmm.....

Posted by Blogger antneya | 7/21/2006  

As much as I want to comment at him bartending at Luke and Leroys... I will just say great post Mr. Roberts, funny and thought provoking... I wouldn't mind having a Male Fag Hag here in the A.

Posted by Blogger C. Baptiste-Williams | 7/21/2006  

This is cute. So is that we call Rockmond Dunbar?

Posted by Blogger @GaryTylone | 7/21/2006  

i know a few..this was a good read :)

Posted by Blogger BewRadley | 7/21/2006  

Frank you have just describe my best friend (Number 3 on my myspace page). These are some of the reasons he tells me he "wishes he was gay . . .
> ". . . because I knows guys would understand me better than girls."
> ". . . because we would have as much sex as I want."

Posted by Blogger Gizmo | 7/21/2006  

I grew up with plenty of them....that's all I'm saying ;-)

Posted by Blogger Keisha Kornbread | 7/21/2006  

Frank - That was a good read. You have nailed the behaviors ! I agree with the reader that says they (male fag hags) indulge but never tell.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 7/21/2006  

Frank, you're a BRICK!

Posted by Blogger Gizmo | 7/21/2006  

Damn...bartends at luke and leroys. did u have to get so specific? but then again, he is my fav str8 fag hag. couldn't have gotten thru college w/o him.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 7/21/2006  

LOL...where do you come up with stuff. It was a kiki though. All I have to say...walk like a duck, talk like a duck(you know the rest)....

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 7/21/2006  

True!

I thought I was the only one going through this. My best Friend is a Bodybuilding Straight Male. He ignores all the other gay boys (I love it) and literally LIVES for me. If he goes out without me - he'll call me up and say he missed his buddy. He's married with children. None of my friends/family understands this relationship. Neither do I. I used to desire him. Now I simply love him as a friend, because he loves me MORE than any of my gay buddies.

Another thing. He is NEVER jealous of me and WILL attempt to hook me up with usually Handsome men - and if I get really really close, he got the nerve to get jealous cause I can't spend time with him (in a good way)

Also, (believe this) he points out another straight guys for homosexual tendises - all the while hanging out with me 24/7 while people are thinking we a couple.(go figure)

This brotha is so comfortable in his sexuality it bothers me!

Yet, I love him - he's so cool - he'll go the the end of the earth for me.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 7/21/2006  

Haa!!...That was hilarious!!

Posted by Blogger Shabaka | 7/21/2006  

LMAO!

...Valentino ain't right...

"I asked my friend was it okay to get his number." I can respect any man who understands loyalty and to not overstep his boundaries. I wish everyone could be that way.

Posted by Blogger Dubbed As Trent Jackson | 7/22/2006  

I think you forgot the one about him coming out in his late twenties or early thirties.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 7/23/2006  

Fag Hag, how funny and true. I know one. One night he stayed over and I offered him the futon but he wanted to share the bed with me. While we didnt have sex he huged me thriugh out the night.
www.blackgaypoetry.blogspot.com

Posted by Blogger Unknown | 7/23/2006  

Oooh no you DIDN'T bring up oberlin's straight male fag hags, frank!!!

you know those are a SPECIAL kind of male fag hag, lol! :)

good post..got a few of themmyself...they're more supportive and closer than some of the gay men i do count as friends..weird.

hope all is well.

Posted by Blogger Ryan Canty | 7/23/2006  

OMG, Frank you hit it on the head, I think the place that you find most of these MFH are in Collegiate settings.

Lord knows, I have a MFH for every day in the week and then some. Kinda makes it hard for me to have a relationship with actual gay dudes. I am warped in the world of MFH's.

Help ME!!!!

Posted by Blogger The Divo | 7/23/2006  

Oh my goodness. I just realized that I have one of those. His wife actually thought that something was going on. She got mad because when he had to go to the hospital for surgery he called me to be with him instead of her.

Posted by Blogger That Dude Right There | 7/23/2006  

Should have added...
-that he is one half of a hag couple... him and his girldfriend have the same gay friends

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 7/23/2006  

Great post, Franks. People are starting to call them STAG HAGS for a reason.

LOL, keep it up.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 7/24/2006  

No, baby. All the straight-male Fag hags I know are gay.

Posted by Blogger kenlikebarbie | 7/31/2006  

So funny and so true. But don't forget, they give the gay clench hug and not the straight pat on the back. Also they become slightly stalkeresque, especially the college age straight make fag hags (I have many)

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 8/09/2006  

Yeah I know a lot of them and they can be dangerous too. Sometimes they flirt with you so they can get you in trouble. I am having that experience now. I did not pay attention to his advances for 12 months when I finally decided to call him and say what up he flipped out at work the next day and tried to blow up something that was never there. I just laughed and said why give me your number if you didn't want me to call(in front of everyone) he shut up real quick and left me the fuck alone after that. so be careful.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 8/28/2006  

frank is the man.

Posted by Anonymous Anonymous | 8/28/2006  

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